i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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