You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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