i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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