My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
