The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
