she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
