Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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