My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
