I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
