Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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