While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
