rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
