there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
