Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
