I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
