There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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