If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
