I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
