He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
