I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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