guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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