god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
