glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
