That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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