Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he was CRYING into my vagina
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
