This girl is more easily done than said...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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