She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
