she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
