i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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