the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
