I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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