Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
