I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
