Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
