Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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