Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
