what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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