Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
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