I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
