My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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