she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
