I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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