I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
