Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
