So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
