the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
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