I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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