I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
