Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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