wakey wakey hands off snakey
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
