how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
