Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
