WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
