yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
