I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
